I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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