he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
