I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
