Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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