Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
