Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
