So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
