What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
