you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
