once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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