You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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