There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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