planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
