some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
