Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
