She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
