You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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