He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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