I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I want to fling myself into the sun
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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