You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
