whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
