i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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