Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
