He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
