So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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