There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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