im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You need a sexual gate keeper
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
