You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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