i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
