how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
