weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
