Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
