yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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