oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
