you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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