Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
