The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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