Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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