I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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