so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Do vagina's smell?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
