I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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