the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
