It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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