If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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