I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
