I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
