I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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