I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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