Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
