Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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